6 months

Yes, I know you're used to geek craft posts on Thursdays, but Ganon has just turned 6 months old, and I must commemorate the occasion.  He's been such a good eater lately - he gets so excited when I put him in his high chair!  So far, he loves all his green vegetables, all the orange and yellow ones he's been given as well, but he absolutely hates mashed potatoes.  He was cranky for nearly an hour after we tried to feed him some.  The funny part is that when I was little, I wouldn't eat anything that wasn't mixed into mashed potatoes! 

He's over 2 feet tall and nearly 18 pounds now - a far cry from his tiny beginnings, and only a couple of inches shy of the maximum height for his car seat.  I've been looking at intermediate seats, and I'm leaing toward a Britax one.  That brand seems to have the highest rear-facing maximum weight, and are able to stay rear-facing for the full height of the seat. 

Teeth!  Oh, teeth are the bane of my existance!  Not only did one of my wisdom teeth come in a couple of months ago, but poor Ganon has been getting his first.  He broke out in a mild fever (99-100 degrees) for nearly a day, and the next morning, he had tiny spikes poking out of the top of his gums, just left of center!  His first tooth! 

He has also begun talking and babbling a lot more.  He loves to say "Hi!" on the phone, "hey" when he wants your attention, and "yeah" to agree with things.  He's really quite amazing!

Teeth

Ganon has been sleeping for a nice 6 hour stretch each night - which is great for my rest!  He has started to wake up in pain, though, as his teeth begin to work their way to the surface.  Poor kid. :(  He also likes to nurse about twice as often when the teething pain hits, so I can't get much else done.  Ah well, at least I have the week off of homework!  He's gotten his next round of vaccines as well, and was such a champ again!  This time, I didn't even get his pants back on before he stopped crying!

His little fingernails grow so quickly, I clip them almost every day, and they're still always sharp!  It wouldn't be such an issue if he hadn't started to grab everyone's face...  At least he gives lots of sloppy kisses!

Grabber!

If you haven't noticed, my updating has been a bit irregular lately.  I'm doing my best to keep up and make sure there is a post-dated post for each day I've missed, but between holiday preparations and end-of-semester schoolwork, I've been a bit swamped.

Ganon has been working hard, too!  He has taken to reaching out and grabbing things.  His favorite thing to grab is whatever I'm holding at the moment.  He has started stealing food and shiny objects off the table (or out of your hands!) whenever you take your eyes off him, and loves to grab the little gerber puffs he's been eating.  The only trouble is that he forgets to let go before he pulls his hand out of his mouth...

Why Ganon?

Why did I name my son Ganon?  No, it wasn't a drug-induced whim in the hospital, it was a carefully thought out process that I had planned even before my pregnancy.  I began playing The Legend of Zelda on the NES when I was a toddler.  Playing Nintendo with my grandmother is one of my earliest, and happiest, memories.  I can proudly say that I have owned every Nintendo console (and handheld) and played every Zelda game since.  Zelda has been a constant in my life.  It was there, no matter what else changed.  At each major transition point in my life, a new Zelda game was released.  Coincidence, I know, but it still helped strengthen the emotional bond I formed with this childhood 'friend'.  It feels strange to speak in such a way about a video game, but it's true, Zelda has gotten me through all the tough times. 

So I knew that I wanted to name my children after The Legend of Zelda.  But why Ganon?  Well, the three recurring characters are Link, Zelda, and Ganon.  Link is the legendary hero, the chosen one, the knight.  He steps up to every challenge, defeats every foe, and emerges unscathed.  Zelda is the princess.  She is ever vigilant, ever patient, and kicks some ass when needed (Sheik, anyone?).  But Ganon... Ganon is the king.  He is ambitious, persistent, cunning.  Though he is never the victor, he is never truly defeated.  No matter where the game takes you... when you reach the end, there he is.  Ganon.  Always Ganon.  He even has a TV Trope saying as much.  Aside from all that... I think we all know that Ganon is the most badass.

I have always known I wanted 3 children - two boys and a girl (along with every little girl's dream of twins).  So I also knew that I wanted to use all 3 major character names from Zelda.  There's always the fact that Ganon is the oldest of the 3, and that he is separate from the other two.  (Part of me is still holding out for that dream of twins!)  The Triforce of Power (Ganon's piece) is also the top of the completed Triforce.  So there it was, obvious in my mind: My eldest son would be named Ganon.

My choice was reaffirmed when he arrived, with an olive complexion, a full head of red hair, gold flecks in his eyes (once they lightened from the black they were at birth), and a hairline that nearly reached his eyebrows.  Any doubts were irradicated and I was only left to hope that he would grow to love his name as much as I do. :)

Five Months

Such a roller coaster it is, having a baby.

Ganon's new favorite activity is to stand on my lap, with me holding both of his hands, and jump and bounce.  He will do this, laughing, for nearly half an hour at a time.  His little legs are getting so muscular, it's rather shocking!  He has also been reaching out and grabbing things on his own.  The most common target: my mouth.  He will lay in my arms, one hand firmly clenched around my lower lip and teeth, while I talk to him (or to visitors or on the phone).  From what I've read, he's using his hands to help figure out how to speak.  I guess if it's beneficial, I'll just put up with it!  Speaking of teeth, Ganon's first have yet to show.  Some days, the little (painful) bulges on his gums seem ready to sprout a tooth, then the swelling will recede for a few days to a week.  It's very frustrating for the both of us.

He's been eating more foods now - a full variety of cereals and vegetables!  He likes the baby cereals, but isn't terribly thrilled with them.  Foods with more flavor, however, are a real treat!  He has loved everything we have given him so far.  (Green beans, squash, sweet potatoes, carrots)  The only problem is that he sometimes gets so excited about eating that he sends himself into a fit of the giggles!  Have you ever tried to eat with the giggles?  I can't.  Neither can Ganon.  So I have struggled to find that perfect balance between fun and too much fun.

Perhaps the most exciting thing to happen this month is Ganon expressing his opinions on things (his face is so expressive!)  His favorite animals are lions, pandas, and birds.  His favorite shapes: circles and stars.  And of course, all children have favorite colors.  Ganon's are red and blue.

Those are the newest things this month, hopefully I'll have some tooth news next update!

Scaring myself.

I've been reading blogs.  Blogs that scare me.  Blogs about severely disabled children and blogs about grieving lost children.  Why do I scare myself like this? 

I think it's because I like to be prepared.  I have always found myself imagining the worst possible outcomes of any situation, preparing for that outcome, and being pleasantly surprised when things turned out better than I had expected.  The downside, of course, is all the additional stress I put on myself.  But I really don't know any other way to handle my fears - this is how I've always done things.

How would I react if something terrible happened to Ganon?  I don't know, but at least now I know that it wouldn't be the end of everything.  Somehow, these brave parents have coped, and that means I could, too.  That's what lets me sleep at night - the knowledge that no matter how bad things get, I will always find some way to pull through.

Public Decency

A while ago, I went on a road trip with my family to the Mall of America.  Out of convenience, I did not bring any bottles, frozen milk, or even my breast pump.  I would be with my son, and could nurse him myself - I didn't need the extra bulk or worry of forgetting something.  I did put my Triforce nursing cover in the diaper bag, however, since I didn't know the ins and outs of Minnesota law regarding breastfeeding.  Using the cover, I nursed him in the mall several times throughout the weekend.  He's a terribly patient child, crying his distinctive 'hungry cry' while in the stroller, then quieting when I picked him up and staying quiet until I could find a place to sit and get him in position. 

If you don't know, there is a Nickelodeon theme park in the middle of the mall.  I did use the nursing cover, but it was still quite obvious what I was doing, and to be honest, it doesn't hide much.  When I nursed Ganon in the theme park area, the only looks I got were from curious children.  It seemed that my fellow parents just understood.  But when I was nursing him in the clothing wing of the mall, the dirty looks abounded.  Only one look was from someone who had a child with them, the rest were from lone women or groups of women. 

Shortly before we were leaving the mall, I was quite warm from all the walking, and Ganon kept pulling the nursing cover aside (he was overly warm as well).  With a shrug, I pulled it off entirely and put it back in the diaper bag.  I was on a bench in the hallway, and my mother had a comically shocked look on her face when she walked out of the store and saw me there, nursing uncovered!  I very nearly laughed out loud - but it would have startled the baby.

Now, if you think about it, a baby nursing doesn't show much breast.  My shirt covers the top part of my breast, my bra covers the bottom and outer side, and the nipple is in the baby's mouth.  His head covers even more, but you could conceivably look around it from certain angles.  The only thing even possibly visible is my cleavage, which my mother, once upon a time, encouraged me to show more of.  (Ooh, dangling participle!  There will be more of these.)

What people don't seem to think about is that breastfeeding is what breasts were made for!  Breasts are not 'dirty' or 'indecent'.  All mammals have them, and their sole purpose is to nourish the young.  While large breasts do attract mates, that is hardwired because of the reproductive implication that a large-breasted woman would be better able to feed offspring.  (Not true, just as it's not true that a wide-hipped woman is better at bearing children, but it still causes a physical pleasure response.)  So whip out those ta-tas and feed your tots! :D

Guilt.

Pardon me if I repeat myself, I expect it will happen often.  For the most part, I can't stand to re-read what I have already posted, and as the same feelings and thoughts pop up, I will repeatedly post about the same things.

When Ganon was born, he wasn't breathing.  It took a bit, but then he took some very shallow breaths and gave the weakest, most feeble cries I have ever heard.  They broke my heart they were so pathetic.  It took almost ten minutes before he gave a real cry and they called his time of birth.  He was still blue, but I told myself he wasn't any more purple than the newborns I had seen in informational videos.  I couldn't hold him.  He had to be rushed to the nursery - the hospital here doesn't have a NICU.  My family was waiting in the glass room between surgery/ICU and the nursery, three generations pacing and waiting for news.  They watched the nurses literally run past with a tiny blue baby and they follow as fast as they can.  They hovered around the nursery door and watched them start inserting tubes and attaching wires.  As the pediatrician stepped out, my mother asked "Will he be okay?".

"I don't know."



I know I did everything right.  I never smoked.  I rarely had caffeine.  During my pregnancy, I cut out preservatives, lunch meats, high fructose corn syrup, and junk food.  I took my vitamins.  I had a total of 19 cans of soda during my entire pregnancy - the only caffeine I had.  I ate healthy, I rested, I played Mozart through headphones around my belly.  I still wonder if there is something else I could have done.  Should I have slept on my right side instead of my left?  Should I have exercised more?  Less?  What did I do to cause this?

I know this guilt is misplaced, that there is nothing I could have done better and if I hadn't done everything I did, he likely wouldn't have made it at all.  "It would have been a tragedy." as the OB put it. 

He still has coughing fits sometimes while he's eating.  Every time, my heart drops and my mind races.  Will he start breathing again?  Will the coughs turn to silence?  Is he getting enough air?  Do I have enough space to start CPR if he stops breathing?  Will the guilt ever subside?

Baby's first meal

Over the past few weeks, Ganon has been sitting up more and started showing interest in what everyone else is eating.  Today, he grabbed the bag of chips my mom was snacking on.  Remembering that Ganon's nutritionist had noted these milestones as signs he was ready to start on baby cereal, I ran to the store to pick up a variety.  Oats, barley, rice, and brown rice were the available options for the "supported sitter" stage - since Ganon is still wobbly when he sits completely on his own.  Brown rice is the most flavorful of the four (in my opinion, at least) so I figured that if he liked that, he'll like the rest just fine.  I've also been eating brown rice myself, and Ganon has likely tasted some of that in my breastmilk.  So brown rice was first on the list to try.

A little while before his next feeding, I defrosted some frozen breastmilk and mixed up the cereal using the "Baby's First Meal" instructions.  It seemed a bit... liquidy, so I sprinkled in a tiny bit of extra cereal flakes.  It was still almost completely liquid, but I trusted the judgement of the manufacturer.  I set Ganon up in his Bumbo (a supportive seat, kind of like a short, soft bucket with leg holes - ours has a tray in front, as well) and fastened on a fresh bib.  Ganon stared, drooling, as I put the bowl on the tray and scooped a bit with a soft spoon.  He smiled as I moved it toward his face, and I slipped the spoon into his open mouth.  His eyes went wide and he swallowed, his tongue moving this way and that.  His smile stretched from ear to ear and he leaned forward, opeing and closing his mouth, looking for more.  I scooped as fast as I could, though I'm sure more ended up on his bib than in his mouth.  In the end, he began to cry, moving his head as if to try and find my breast, and we stopped so he could have a 'proper' meal.

All in all, quite a success.  I'm glad he liked it, and with no signs of allergies, we'll be able to move on to another flavor.  So exciting!

Breastfeeding

Breasts and babies.

Breastfeeding.


The big taboo over the most natural thing in the world.

I don't have a problem breastfeeding in front of others. Yes, it's a private time between Ganon and myself, but the mere presence of others doesn't lessen that. I put him in position, pull my shirt up and my bra down, and my nipple is in his mouth. (Not that it was always that easy - but that's another post.) My brother and stepdad got used to it within a month. It's not like I'm just dangling my boobs out there for all to see - I cover up and angle as best I can without making things unnecessarily difficult for either Ganon or me. My grandfather (once it was explained to him that regardless of what he had been told, breastfeeding was better than formula) has never expressed any discomfort at the idea, nor when I managed to nurse in the same room as him. I have never known this man to hold his tongue. Though he would rather make a joke than say something that might be taken as insulting, he gets is point across. My mother and grandmother, however, seem to think that nursing in front of a man - especially a family member - was highly scandalous.

The first time I nursed Ganon while visiting my grandparents, my mom got up, got a blanket out of the diaper bag, and threw it over the baby while I was nursing him. Now, it was a very warm summer day, and my grandparents don't have air conditioning. There was no need for the blanket other than to 'hide my shame'. As my mother so delicately put it: "Your grandfather doesn't want to see that." [emphasis hers] More recently, my grandmother was holding Ganon when he got hungry. I stood up, took him into my arms, and went to sit back down on the couch. As I turned around to sit, my grandmother gave me a very no-nonsense look, and said, "You can go in the other room to do that." Rather than cause a scene, I pursed my lips and sequestered myself in her bedroom.

Slightly grumpy, I sat down on the bed and began to nurse Ganon when, to my pleasant surprise, my grandfather came in the room. He turned on the TV and fetched the remote for me. I couldn't help but smile, feeling both grateful and righteous. Not only was I made more comfortable and relieved of my guilt, but I was right in that my grandfather wasn't offended by my nursing. Not that that changed my mother's or grandmother's views, but I'm no longer insulted by their ignorance.

First tooth

Ganon's first tooth is starting to make itself known.  Occasionally, the poor boy will just start crying, then try to gnaw on my knuckles.  A bit of acetominaphen eases the pain, but I know it will get worse before it gets better (when the tooth finally ruptures).  The reason I make note of this pre-tooth teething is that I am going through the same trouble.  That's right, my son and I are teething at the same time.  One of my wisdom teeth is currently forcing itself through the flesh of my gums, letting me experience first hand the type of pain that is just around the corner for my son.

Bellyaches

When I first became pregnant, I noticed that I became very ill whenever I ate or drank something containing high fructose corn syrup.  Having a glass of soda resulted in the equivalent of 24 hours of food poisoning. 

The thing you might not realize, however, is just how many foodstuffs contain HFCS.  Good ol' Wonderbread, for example.  Most shelved baked goods, in fact, including hamburger buns and cookies.  Though thankfully things from a bakery are usually HFCS-free.  Soda, of course, has it, and popcicles.  Many cereals, and the list goes on...  I've gotten into the habit of checking every label, regardless of the product, since several unexpected 'surprises'.  It's not a corn allergy, as I can eat an old fashioned corn on the cob without trouble, and even regular corn syrup doesn't bother me.  I guess the slight differences from the processing make it unrecognizable as food by my body.

Since this was a new 'allergy' (Having not been tested for an actual allergy, it may be some sort of intolerance, but the result is no less miserable) beginning during pregnancy, I did a bit of research and found about half of the anecdotal cases to be rid of a new allergy after they gave birth, though almost all noted the allergy in the children they carried.  After my 6-week followup appointment after Ganon was born, I decided to test things out.  I had a couple of Chips-Ahoy cookies, which had the HFCS further down the ingredient list (so possibly less HFCS than other products).  Happily, I didn't become ill at all, and felt only the slightest twinge of nausea. 

A couple of hours later, however, I discovered a real problem.  After breastfeeding and giving a nice big burp, Ganon was whining and squealing in pain.  At first I thought it was just more gas, or maybe he was tired and needed a nap...  But the next day, with more experimenting - half a can of soda this time - I ended up ill, and Ganon's post-nursing screams intensified.  Major facepalm.  Whatever it was that made me ill (abdominal cramping included) was somehow being passed to Ganon through my milk.  I felt just awful!  I had caused him such pain because I wanted to have some junk food.  Not that I could have known he would be affected, but I was still wracked with guilt.  I guess growing up Catholic gave me an overdeveloped sense of guilt!  Now that I know, I am doubly careful to keep HFCS out of my diet, and since Ganon begins eating baby food soon, I will need to be just as careful with his foods.

Now, I think ahead a few years to when Ganon visits friends' houses, or snacktime at daycare, or even well-meaning grandparents sneak him some sweets.  As he gets larger (and therefore has more body mass), will the effects lessen?  Will he, like me, be able to eat a small treat with little trouble, or will he be miserably in pain from the smallest cookie?  Will other parents and caregivers realize how prevalent HFCS is?  That something as innocuous as a hamburger (depending on the bun) could cause such problems in my little boy?  With HFCS being rebranded as "Corn Sugar", will it become more difficult to spot in products - and will there be a difference in labelling between HFCS and regular corn syrup?

This is going to be difficult.

Sleep

Guess who regularly sleeps for 6 hours at a time!  That's right - Ganon.  My body considers that a full night's sleep, so I am just beaming with pride and well-restedness right now.  He's also not an early bird, so he usually goes back to sleep until around 9am. (Yay me!) 

Granted, he hardly naps anymore, but I'll take what I can get! :)

Vaccinations

When Ganon went in for his first round of vaccinations, I dreaded every moment. 

I remembered screaming as a child whenever I saw the syringe... I had to have several nurses hold me down for each shot.  I had spent hours upon hours reading various ways to make the whole experience less traumatic for him, and myself as well.  The consensus seemed to be breastfeeding.  Sources varied as to whether nursing before, during, or after the vaccination was best, though. 

I decided to go with my gut, and postponed Ganon's late-morning meal until we had arrived at the vaccination clinic.  He nursed away on breast #1 while I listened to all the required information before the shots could be administered.  When he stopped to burp, we plopped him down on the exam table and the nurse, as quickly as she could, gave him two injections in one leg and one in the other.  He just kind of blinked in surprise as the first syringe pierced his skin, and cried loudly once the nurse pressed the plunger, and continued until the last needle had been removed.  Then his cries turned to fussing, and by the time I had sat back down to finish nursing, he was happy as a clam again!  A few hours later, the muscle soreness set in, so he spent the rest of the day on acetaminophen, but he was fine by morning.  A truly amazing child.

There are times, when I have been bragging about Ganon's greatness, that I fear I will give my childless friends unrealistic expectations for their future children.  But then I remember my overdeveloped sense of schadenfreude and smile.

3 Months

Ganon is now three months old.  My how time flies!  He is officially an 'infant' and not a 'newborn'.  I've finally gotten into a nice rhythm of daily activities, timing naps and feedings, and taking the baby out of the house.

It's kind of funny, remembering how frazzled I would get just trying to take Ganon out to visit one of his grand parents' houses.  I would stuff the diaper bag full, certain that the weather would change, several outfits would be spit-up on, and diapers could not last longer than 20 minutes.  I would inevitably return to the bedroom at least three times to fetch forgotten items that simply could not be done without.  I would literally run back and forth through the house with Ganon in my arms, gathering items and triple-checking everything before I put him in his carseat.  Now, it's almost a smooth process - refill diapers and wipes in the bag, otherwise the diaper bag is kept packed (including the ever-essential spare pacifier!).  Bottles are unneccesary (yet another bonus to breastfeeding!), and anything else can be done without. 

I find that as I gain confidence, things come easier, increasing my confidence.  What a nice cycle to be in! :)

Growing

At the end of last week, Ganon had an appointment with the nutritionist.  Honestly, these sorts of appointments are more for me than him, as he eats nothing but breast milk!  More importantly, they weighed and measured him again - 12lb 12oz and 23.5 inches!  Such a far cry from how tiny he was when he was born!  They plugged the numbers into the computer - he is between the 85th and 95th percentile for height (after accounting for his prematurity), and 50th percentile for weight to height as well as head circumference.  Between that and a nice quiz on my own dietary habits, they determined that he is doing quite well and no changes need to be made.

His incredible height does explain why his 3mo size clothes look baggy, but are getting too short, depending on the brand.  I wonder why baby clothes aren't standardized like men's clothing, instead of arbitrary sizing like women's clothes.  Some of Ganon's 3mo size clothes are still a bit large on him, while he has two 6mo size outfits that are too small already!  It's a conundrum trying to determine which clothes need to be brought out of storage (before they're too small). 

As he grows, he also sleeps for longer stretches at night (4-5 hours at a time!)... but this also means he does not want to nap during the day.  He used to sleep for an hour after eating, be awake for half an hour or so, then sleep more until his next feeding.  Now he eats, burps, and wants to play.  An hour later, he is tired and cranky, but not wanting to sleep, so I have to break out the Happiest Baby On the Block skills and get him down.  He sleeps for an hour or two, then wakes up for a bit of play before he gets hungry again.  My mother claims I stopped napping at 3 months old, on the day I started sleeping through the night.  Accounting for 20-some years of fuzzy memory and exaggeration, I don't doubt that Ganon will stop napping all too soon... but I have solid nights to look forward to!

Nightmares

I am plagued by nightmares.  I have been since the night my son was born.  They range in theme and terror level, but they all disturb my oh-so-precious sleep.

A recurring theme is that I will awaken in the night to find my baby not breathing.  True SIDS.  I know infant CPR, and I use a co-sleeper bassinet, so I know there is nothing more I could possibly do to prevent or prepare for such an occurrence, but the fear still nags at the back of my mind - even when Ganon is napping.

When I first brought Ganon home, every night I would have a nightmare about his birth.  I would dream that we were just a few hours too late with the C-Section, and he didn't make it.  I would dream that I had given birth the natural way, and had somehow caused his death.  I would dream that for some unknown reason that he had died, and I had gone crazy and stolen someone else's baby.  I would dream that he had somehow been switched at birth, so he wasn't my son, and my son was out there somewhere being raised by someone else.  I didn't get a whole lot of sleep the first couple of weeks, so these nightmares were thankfully short, though no less disturbing.

Then there's the typical "I left the baby _____" dreams that started during pregnancy.  That I left the baby at the store, or in the car, or at home when I left the house.  This one was the least bothersome for me, since Ganon was mere inches from me while I slept.

The worst nightmares, and one of the ones I still have, are centered around a custody battle, where my ex is granted full custody of my son, and my baby is literally ripped from my arms in the courtroom, and there is nothing I can do about it.  I think this is still my biggest fear - losing my son through an unpreventable means.  Is that every mother's fear?  Does it ever go away?

I always kept my baby close.  A little bit out of fear, mostly out of love, but also because his presence comforted me.  Holding him in my arms, especially nursing him, would fill me with such warmth, such pure love that any fears or doubts were instantly washed away and I was left with nothing but serene peace.

After a few weeks, the nightmares dwindled from each time I slept to less than once a week, but they were definitely one of the hardest parts about adjusting to having a new baby, to being responsible for this tiny, fragile life.

Heartache

Sometimes at night, when everyone is asleep, I turn off all the lights, curl up under the bed covers, and I weep.

I weep for the birth I never had.  I weep for my son, who does not yet know his father.  I weep for all the things I wanted him to experience, that I never did without a father around.  I weep for all the things I experienced and he won't, because my father was close enough for occasional visits.  I weep for the life I wanted my son to have.  I weep for the life I wanted for myself.  I weep because part of me still seeks my mother's approval.  I weep for my inadequacies.  I weep for the love I still feel but can never express.  I weep for the heartache that I can never share.

When I am done crying, when I have let out all the pent-up emotions of the previous days or weeks, I pick up my son, my little Ganon.  I hold him in my arms and smile.  He smells faintly of his father, but mostly of that new baby smell (there really is no other way to describe it).  He is warm and he smiles in his sleep when I hold him in my arms. 

I rock him and kiss his forehead.  I smile down at him and sing his favorite lullabies.  My whole world revolves around him.  He is my life, and life is good.

Weight Gain

When I was pregnant, one of my biggest concerns was weight gain.  At each pre-natal doctor's appointment, I would provide a urine sample and hop on the scale, only to be berated again and again as my weight continued to drop.  I was eating almost nonstop, having gotten over my morning sickness by the third month (but even now, I still love dill pickles dipped in honey...), I was exercising less (as my hips became more and more sore), but I just couldn't seem to gain weight.  Granted, my diet had changed considerably (from mostly junk to no junk at all) and I had put on almost 30 pounds in the months before conception (but that's a story for another day).

For seven months, my heart dropped with the numbers on the scale.  I feared for my baby - was he getting all the nutrients he needed if I was losing weight?  But repeated ultrasounds showed good development and slightly faster than average growth.

Then I hit 7 months and my weight stabilized... and began to slowly climb.  Then it began to climb faster.  Then there were traces of protein in my urine, and I began to retain water...  all warning signs of pre-eclampsia.  Thankfully, my blood pressure was holding steady within the normal range.  All in all, I had a net loss of four pounds.

After the C-Section, my blood pressure was abnormally high (just another sign that my baby was coming that night one way or another!), but it returned to normal before I left the hospital. 

Thankfully, I am still below my pre-pregnancy weight; but I am left to wonder: how long will it last?  It seems the more I exercise, the more weight (and inches) I gain... Is pregnancy the only way my body is able to shed pounds?

The Little Things

It really is about the little things...

licking the lid after opening your pudding...

bright red sunsets...

rainbow dawns...

when you walk into a room and your baby smiles at you.